Ashley:)'s Locker (Code: I819)

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Hurting and punishing myself became the only thing I could think of that might soothe the pain (never thought I'd ever sink that low, but I did); suicide occupied my thoughts daily. Although I lived in a house with a christian family and was brought up in church (taught the bible backwards and forwards), I didn't feel the joy that all of the "christians" always talked about. I felt as if I had to punish myself through self mutilation because I just didn't get it.

I tried to commit suicide one night, went to school the next morning, and found out that one of my good friends had past away. He died, not me. It wasn't fair. Wasn't right. That was my turning point. Things HAD to change.I went on living life like nothing was wrong, hoping...trying to pray that someone would notice me, feel sorry for me or something and help me out. It wasn't until a year at Falls Creek that I decided to seek help instead of trying to make people notice and come to me. I had always been pretty shy, but I knew I had to speak up and just do it, or else I risked going to Hell. So...i finally spoke up.

I realized Jesus is always there, he will never leave no matter what I had done. Everyday, I strive to be more like Jesus, he has changed my life so much that I can't keep quiet about him. It's not just about religion, it's all about relationship. Jesus has given me a hope greater than I can ever comprehend. He has taught me to love, pray, rely, and take authority over all the evil things that try to come at me. I know in the future, God has amazing plans (Jeremiah 29:11) and I know someday I will meet him in the clouds.